I read this article on setting a personal code of values...?

...and that u base them on what is important to you and not on what is accepted by society my values are very diff from my common-law's are these compromisable or should I just cut my losses? my last question on incompatibility i think was too general 1. He doesnt want me reading his text messages or IM's but talks about me behind my back and lets others insult me 2. He says he has a right to privacy but when I say i dont want my personal info shared with his family and friend, ie, our arguments, finances, my anxiety etc...he says he has a right to vent and i have no right to tell him not to and i cant tell him who to talk to about what etc... 3. He is more of a dictator parenting, i am more of a talker, compromiser, understanding why kids are doing what they are doing 4. if your spouse has an issue with strippers for example, u dont go or be in a room where there is one, it shouldnt have to be a fight for freedom, ur spouse's feelings should be more important kh..u read into it what u want to read into it...i never once said his feelings are irrelevant, i also never got into the details of him sharing absolutely everything with absolutely everyone ive offered to pay for a therapist, for him, for me and for us together, at my expense as he doesnt work i said some things in a relationship need to be private, people dont need to know everything about our lives and nowhere did i say everything had to be my way, i mentioned four specific things causing probs right now and u make such a general accusation, my how beautiful the world must look up there on your pedestal so u must think its okay then for a spouse to talk behind the others back as long as they dont know about it, as long as i respect his privacy issues and not read his messages then ill never know about him disrespecting my privacy issues and all will be well right?

Public Comments

1. I do not really understand your question. Did or does your husband do the 4 things you stated above?
2. Up until the point that you read this very generalized article, did you have any reason to think that you and your partner had any differences? Or is that the reason you went searching? Don't base your relationship on an article, a quiz, or your horoscope; the best relationships are those that are left to grow because of the couple, not because your tea leaves told you he was cheating. If you think he's behaving in a way that bothers you, talk to him about it.
3. Double standard your friend has. Cut and run from this one.
4. Well, it sounds like you guys ARE incompatible; there's nothing wrong with either his way or your way, but when you both have the same feelings on certain matters you won't have to worry so much about privacy or any such thing - it will work itself out. I would never read my husband's e-mail, texts or IMs - but I also trust that he would never say anything to anyone that would be potentially damaging or hurtful to me. He does share some of our internal relationship stuff with his family, but it doesn't cause me any grief because I trust his family to give good advice (which they have in the past). I'm sure that if I was dead-set against him sharing ANYTHING with his friends or family, he would try and respect my wishes, but I don't know how long the relationship would last if I started presenting ultimatums such as this. I trust his judgment on what to share and what to keep to himself; if I didn't have this fundamental trust, it would be very hard to stay in the relationship, because there are always minor incompatibilities and disagreements that arise over the course of our life together. I don't know how I would feel about certain things if I didn't have this basic assumption that he's not out to get me in some way; if I couldn't count on my partner's respect at all times, it wouldn't help me to be able to read his text messages.
5. i don't think people's values are uncompromisable. Values are what make you the person you are. Compromising them means you are not being who you really want to be. CL= Coors Light!!!
6. Maybe your problem is that you two are shacked up and not married. Maybe one of you wants an commitment and the other one doesn't .
7. I particularly enjoyed how you were a talker/compromiser, but he's not supposed to talk to anyone but you, and should just do whatever appeases your feelings, no 'fighting' about it. Apparently his feelings - about, for example, talking to his family - are irrelevant. So if I got this correctly, he should talk to you, when you want to talk, not talk to anyone else, and the overriding factor in all decisions should be your feelings. I'm not sure what you should do, but I have some advice for him. Also, same advice would be good for anyone who is in a burning building.