Should I be purchasing my own engagement ring?

My fiance and I recently got engaged. He asked me yesturday at the mall while at a jewelry store if I would purchase the ring myself using one of my credit cards and then when the bill arrives he will make payments. He says he really wants me to have a ring but he can't get financed or a loan and does not have enough money to pay the amount in full. I didn't agree to do it so I have no ring. I feel like the guy should be buying it. What do you think?

Public Comments

1. If he can't even get the engagement ring and he wants to use your credit to purchase it, then what's going to happen after the ring is on your finger? Is he always going to be looking to you for financial support? If he wants to get you the ring that you want, then he needs to get another job so that he can pay for it!
2. No. He should buy it.
3. Can't wait to try this one on my girlfriend........that's got balls, that's for sure......
4. Sounds like you dodged a bullet; and maybe not the last. Yes; he should work something out on his own.
5. i see poeple like this on judge judy everyday no, he needs to buy the ring with his own money why put so much emphasis on a ring and not the marriage?
6. I think he's asking you to marry him so he should buy the ring. If he doesn't have the money right now he needs to save until he can get a ring and then ask you.
7. if his credit is shot, he will ruin yours. Dump the guy until he proves he is a real man, he just wants to use you.
8. You are dead right - he should buy your ring. How cheeky is that asking you to pay for it?!!!
9. Britney Spears bought her own ring...oh wait bad example...no you shouldn't buy your own ring...do you really need one to spend the rest of your life with this man? I say if you love him and accept his proposal than just buy wedding bands and when he is able to afford it let him buy you an engagement ring...
10. It sounds as though you are really in love with this guy, that's great. Do both of yourselves a favor and don't do as he asks, this is trouble just waiting to happen. If its a case where you want a more expensive ring than he can afford, then maybe you should set your sites lower (ring-wise). If he can't afford any ring at all, then he's not ready to ask you to marry him. Good luck
11. He's a bum already. Go and buy a $500 engagement ring. I meant he should. There are a lot of ring under $500, then when you two are more stable, he can up graded.
12. I think he should buy it.Actually I think he should've before he asked you to marry him.
13. You are exactly right. If your fiancee can not afford to buy you a ring, because of credit problems. Than that should set off an alarm about any future
14. If he can't even afford the ring - how the hell is he going to afford to be married. You do NOT want to marry a person with financial problems - because once you marry that person - their debts become YOURS - Don't DO IT. DO NOT buy the ring - Tell him to put it on lay-away - if the store has a plan - and when it is paid off - then get it. If you really want to marry this person - and your credit is good and his is bad or fair - call your credit card company and have him added as an authorized user - HOWEVER - when they send the card - DO NOT GIVE IT TO HIM - cut it up and each month when the account gets reported to the credit bureaus - it will report to his as well and he can rebuild his credit and be able to afford the ring. DO NOT BUY YOUR OWN RING.
15. Do you want to be engaged to him if he can't afford the engagement ring? I don't mean to be "all about money". If he is mature enough to be engaged and married, then he should be financially secure enough to afford the ring. An engagement ring is not mandatory. It depends on how you feel about it. Will he be able to take care of his own household expenses?
16. He should pay for it. If you pay for it on your card your going to be the one that ends up paying for it. Tell him to start saving his money up.
17. if your at the point to where your engaged then you and your financee should be mutual. if i were in this situation i wouldnt care, i would pay for it and anything else he asked.. this is the man im going to be wit for the rest of my life.. i trust everything he says,,if he says he'll pay it back then ok... i understand that he has financial problems and ill do the best i can to help him out...i know if he asked he should be paying but i know that in the end it will be all worth it.
18. Does everyone else see the answer as the elephant in the room? Sweetheart, I don't mean to be a rainfall on your sunshine, but if the guy is asking you to put your own engagement ring on your credit card, this is a very bad introduction to what will be a horror story. God forbid it doesn't work out between you, but if it doesn't, who's legally responsible for the credit card bill? Ummmmm, that would be *you*! And if he's at the MALL buying you a ring, well then I don't need to comment on that. Tell him to go across the corridor, buy himself an Orange Julius, and take his sorry, broke a** back home without you. Good riddens!!!
19. LMBAO! WHAAAAAAAAAAAA That is the most ghetto ass story I've heard all week. I'm about to get off work and go meet my buddies for drinks, wait until I tell them your story...you'll be the life of the party!!! LOL! Nida, says you don't need to have a ring to be in engaged, so maybe he should do like in the old days and tie a piece of rope around your ring finger until he can buy one....Man I can keep going with this one forever! Please tell us some more stories about you and your Boy friend! LOL
20. no way. he needs to figure out a way.. what's going to happen when you guys get married? Red flag!
21. I think you're right. I understand your hesitation. It's not just a matter of tradition though....the more important thing you need to be asking yourself is...do you really want to marry someone who doesn't have his finances under control? Money is one of the BIGGEST issues that causes conflicts in marriage. Couples should be very honest BEFORE marriage in talking about credit history, debt, savings plan, etc. Having the same perspective on finances is very important!! And it's important you be able to talk about such things ahead of time. If he can't even afford a ring or to get credit, how can he expect to pay for a decent honeymoon? In fact, how can you create a life together? Have you even talked about where you'll live or how you'll furnish a place? Now, don't get me wrong - I know money isn't the most important thing to consider. But it's just something to think about.... When my now husband were engaged, we sat down together and looked at our debt - it was mainly mine but he was very sweet to consider it "ours." We put together a plan to eliminate it and have stuck to that. We're on the same page and have a plan which is a sign of a great r'ship. I hope this helps!!
22. Heck NO! Don't set the stage of the relationship by paying for your own ring. Too many women make the mistake of paying for everything. If you want to pitch in on stuff, fine, but don't let him get the idea that you are OK with paying for everything. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. If he can't pay for the ring how is he going to provide for your household when you are married? I'm in a marriage with pretty traditional roles (other than the fact that we are true partners and make decisions together and have mutal respect) I love that my husband goes out and works to support our family and it allows me to stay home and raise our kids instead of shipping them off to day care. (I have no problem with that, but it's not what I want to do). If I would have paid for my own ring, no way things would have worked out as great as they did. Good Luck!
23. I agree! His ability or inability to do this on his own should tell you alot. A man who is ready for such a commitment should be able to handle it as the man of the house. Asking you to do such a thing does not speak very highly of him. Think about it, is that the way he would be handling anything else in the marriage? Is he going to ask you to take over the role of the "provider" in the household b/c he cant afford to? My suggestion to you is that you pay attention to little things like those b/c those are the things that tell you ALOT about the way a man goes and will go about "handling it" in a relationship and in the marriage. In my opinion, he's not ready to make such a commitment until he is ready to show you that he is capable. Good Luck!
24. If you feel he should be buying the ring then he should be buying the ring. I would be more worried that he has bad credit and no savings. Maybe the two of you should talk about finances. He needs to clean up his credit and have a savings before you marry.
25. Honestly, even if he did buy the ring, once you guys get married, your bills become his & his bills become your's as well. You will pay bills together. Him asking you to buy it for yourself right now is kinda off & it sounds like he's got BAD CREDIT & NO MONEY. You should look into that before you even marry this guy. Make sure you know what you are about to be responsible for. Talk about your finances now & see how much he's got in the bank. Maybe, you can put yourself in his shoes, at least he's offering to pay the bill when it arrives. In this case, you will end up paying for it too. Why not just choose a ring that's not too expensive? There are many beautiful diamond rings out there that are under $1,000. Truthfully, you really don't need a ring, do you? The engagement ring is traditional but it's not mandatory. Just get it later when you both can afford it. Don't listen to anyone's mean advice on here about dumping him. It does sounds like he's being honest, you should just get the ring later on when the finances are better & if you love this guy, teach him to save money & fix his credit. There's nothing worse then telling the man you love to take a hike, just because he's broke. The money you will spend on the ring is better off saving for a special honeymoon. Money is important, but it doesn't define your love for him or this ring you think you need to have. Don't worry....you can get your ring later. Just be thankful that you two are together, happy, in love, healthy & breathing & most of all.....GETTING MARRIED! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
26. The guy should buy the ring. If you love him, I'm sure you'll accept a cheap one... the matter about the engagement is the fact that he thinks of you as someone special, he needs to treat you like that. Would you pay for the wedding and later get paid? This is the start, I promess it would get worst with time.
27. I believe the guy should purchase the ring. But, I also don't believe that you have to have a ring to be engaged. What I do believe in the most is in the sacredness of the marriage and vows. Now that ring is what has meaning. It doesn't have to be flashing and it doesn't have to be expensive. If you are creative enough, pick something out that is affordable to him and that he can have ingraved with something special for only you to see inside the band. You could also do the same for him. That way the are matching AND sacred to you both. Good luck!
28. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
29. i have to speak up on this. it is not about the ring or how expensive it is, it is about the fact that YOU are the only one here making the committment, how is that???? Not only are you the one paying for it, you are putting it on your credit card and now are responsible for the payments, no matter what your fella says. I must say i admire you for not going along with his plan for your ring. really nice that he SAYS he wants you to have a ring, uh, if you buy it for yourself! ask yourself this simple question: what does he spend his own money on? beer, cars, games, other diversions that he is interested in? or is he simply quite poor and penniless? if the answer is, he has some money but enjoys spending it on himself, then, this is not about what he says, this is about what he DOES, and what he does is let you pay your own way. i am uneasy about a fellow who is willing to let a good fiance pay for her own ring. you will never feel quite right about it, and, i think your inner voice is telling you the right thing, perhaps give this a little time. maybe you do need to read some of the above answers and revisit his general trend to responsibility and what paying for your own ring now means for the future. when you go out to eat, do you pay your own way? always? i dont know how a man can feel good about making his girl pay her own way. i once heard a good saying " when in doubt, don't". i think that applies here.
30. Let him buy you what he can afford for now. In the future, after he's made his millions, on some future anniversary he can get you that three-pound rock. Afterall, the significance of the engagement ring is its symbolic meaning, not how much it will impress other people you know, right? ummm...how come your fiance can't get a credit card? is that maybe a red flag?