My engagement ring was FREE?

Need advice. My BF and I had lived together a year this past VDay when he proposed. My aunt buys estate jewelry & knew we had been looking at rings and sent a nice one to my BF. I had no problem with him getting a deal, but I later found out that she did not tell him a price and he has made no attempt to even offer to pay. It seems to me that it didn't require any sacrifice or commitment on his part to pass a ring on to me. And since giving it to me, he has made no attempt to set a date. When I bring it up, he is very vague and doesn't seem to be in any hurry. I finally asked him outright if she hadn't found this ring, would we even be engaged. He said yes, but he didn't know when because of his finances. I mentioned that financing is usually what most people do. He has never given me any jewerly other than a ring someone found in a bar that he had sized to give to another girl and didn't. He knew how mad I was when I found out the history, yet he gives me another free ring.

Public Comments

1. Give your aunt back the ring which wasn't paid for, and tell your joke of a boyfriend you'll consider yourself engaged when he buys you one with his own money. But don't hold your breath waiting, this guy doesn't sound like he has the slightest intention of marrying you. Maybe you need to re-think the whole "are his goals in life the same as mine" thing.
2. Seems to me this is an issue between two adults, you GF and your aunt. She runs a shop. I am sure she can ask for payment..
3. Wow. I would be upset too! It's not that I am expecting a big expensive ring when I do get engaged, but I expect more than just something someone found. If it was a family ring, that would be a different story. Finding a ring should not be a first thing that you see will work kind of deal. It should take thought, consideration. The story about the ring he had sized for another girl is horrible! Noone wants the leftovers. Money shouldn't be an issue, but it seems like this guy doesn't even care. He should be proud of what he gave you. INstead he doesn't even talk about a wedding. Good luck.
4. I'm sorry, but he sounds like a 10 year old child, not an adult man. He isn't going to marry you.
5. It doesnt matter the price, maybe he really doesnt have the money. You do not have to rush into being married, enjoy the engagement. You will be sorry if you rush into things.
6. It does sound like you have relationship problems. However, equating "money spent" with love is not a good way to evaluate things in life. If he has no money for a ring, and so you get an inexpensive or free one, then that's the way things go-- you're in love with someone with limited finances (aren't we all?). Going into debt for a ring is FOOLISH (and that's what financing is-- DEBT). DROP the cost-of-ring issue, and work on improving the other aspects of your relationship.
7. This guy does NOT sound like he is on a marriage path. I've known these types of guys before. I think you should give the unpaid ring back to your aunt, and move on without this guy. Finances are an excuse to put you off and keep you strung along for as long as possible.
8. Sounds like a real winner.... I say time to move on. It's not the fact the ring was free that bothers me, it's the fact that it has to be free, easy and he is doing nothing! I know lots of people who got a free ring through family but geez, try to pretend like you care and set a date!!
9. You know a lot of people get family rings passed to them for their engagement ring. I think it is awesome that your soon to be husband got the ring for free. The cost of the ring should NOT matter. As for setting a date, maybe you should suggest some and see what he does from there.
10. personally I dont think its a problem that he got it for free...like someone else said...some families pass rings down and think..saving on the ring means more money towards the wedding so I wouldnt worry that he didnt pay for the ring...its the meaning behind the ring that matter. I do however see a problem with his blowing off wedding plans. I would have a serious talk to him about it and tell him until hes ready to start talking wedding plans then your not wearing the engagement ring he gave you because if hes not readt to marry he should have never proposed to you. ask him why he did and tell him you want to start plannign this wedding...what is he waiting for...someone to come along and offer the church and reception for free?
11. So, you are upset because he did not spend money on you? Rather than being happy that he asked you to spend the rest of your life with him...you are complaining about the money? I think you need to reevaluate why you are in this relationship. What is really important to you? Consider this: Many families will pass down an heirloom engagement ring....these cost nothing to the groom-to-be. Does that make the act of proposing less important? Is there a real dollar sign before a guy has sacrificed enough to marry you? Please do some soul searching.
12. I understand where you're coming from, but to me, finances are a big part of being with one another..... getting some one to give him a ring to give to you is not really a good memory you will have of this engagement. I truly suggest him giving the ring back to your aunt and nicely telling her that he wants to pick out this ring himself.... even if she wants to help him get a deal. But it needs to be something to "represent" his love to you, and if it doesn't truly do that, it will be something you will hold against him through the marriage. It's not about the money, it's about the love and memory, but if it doesn't satisfy that, then even if it takes him 6 months longer or a year to get the money, it will mean something when he does. If he really wants to give a true symbol or his love, he will come up with the money and do it. Even if it's not the most expensive ring in the world, but at least when he gets it, it will truly be from him. Even if it's a ring for a couple hundred dollars, it's from his heart and not your aunt's. She can probably help him get a nice ring for little amount, but he needs to pick it out next time, and yes! Pay for it before giving it to you.
13. Liz said it perfectly; it was like she was in my head! I'm worried most about your aunt being stuck in a bad place here, with not having gotten money for the ring when she thought she was doing a nice thing. I would doubt that she meant for it to be 'free', but maybe just a good deal.
14. Thats terrible!! Give your aunt HER ring back and explain to him why you did it.