How should college be paid for when you have a couple that has split up and 1 child that will attend .?

I have an 11 yr old child, her dad and I have been split since she was little and recently he has come back in her life - he has always maintained phone contact. Instead of child support, cause I have been able to support her, I wanted him to pay 100% of her college - because that I cannot swing. Do you think that is a fair set up? I have been in another relationship for about 5 yrs now and we have 2 little ones together and now my boyfriend is letting me know he does not agree with the scenerio - I do see his point as well. I was never trying to make it easier for dad # 1, I was just thankful he was taking the burden of financing college off me for her.. Now dad #2 says perhaps he should just stop supporting his kids and he will pay for their college - mind you I live with dad # 2 - definately in a mess since dad #1 came back around but I thought I was still looking out for kids - granted I should have something a bit more concerte from dad #1 as far as finances - I need guidance

Public Comments

1. I think the best thing to do is get a mediator to sit down with you and work out a fair arrangement that is in your daughter's best interest. In the end it's really about your daughter, not your ex or your current beau.
2. Sorry but you messed up. You made it too easy for him to not pay for anything all of these years and suddenly expect him to pay thousands of dollars for a college education. He wouldn't dare.
3. I think it's a fine arrangement. There's not much to be done if dad #2 doesn't agree since this was probably agreed upon prior to his coming into the picture. He may be a bit ticked because he may have to be picking up more of the share of caring for your daughter from day to day financially and your daughter's dad is not, plus there is not guarantee that 1) your child will go to college, 2) that dad will go through with his commitment to pay for her higher education, and 3) that he will stay in contact with her at all. If dad #2 is so angry then perhaps , you should chip in more financially so that he doesn't feel he's taking the sole financial hit for your daughter, and if you cant afford a lawyer to do it, write up a contract stating that Dad#1 agrees to pay for college and have him sign it and get it notarized with 2 IMPARTIAL witnesses, then record it at your local register of deeds office. It may not be totally "legal", but you may be able to use it as leverage in case he falls through on his paying for college. Of course in hindsight, this should have been done, but it wasn't so theres no sense getting upset about it. I too let my sons father off the hook to pay child support under the stipulation that he maintain a good relationship and communication, but Dad did not come through, so of course, my son suffered without things he should have had, AND lost out on the personal relationship with Dad. By the way don't listen to that moron that said you are paying little thing and asking dad to pay 40K for college. Assuming your daughter was 4 when you got divorced, at the rate of $400.00 per month you may have been entitled $62,400.00 in support and that is only HIS share, of course you also pay a portion of her food, clothes, medical, dental, indidentals, etc., so using those figures he got off about right. State college should cost about $50K PLUS you still have to give her money, clothing, and other costs that come up. good luck to you dear
4. You've done a foolish thing and now it has backfired on you. If you didn't need the child support, you could have placed those funds in a savings account for your son. Your husband is right: you made it easy for a father not to support his child. How foolish!
5. Contact a lawyer and set up child support now, better late than never. You can work out something with college tuition like you pay 30% he pays 70% or something like that or split it right down the middle. Remind dad #2 that you two live together and have been blessed to have been able to support all 3 children. Ask him for his opinion because he may feel threatened by dad #1's recent presence.