Wife ran 60k in credit cars and 20k in home equity?

What to do? Last week I was looking into refinance our home. Little did I know after talking to the lender I found out that my wife has 5 credit cards with a total of 60k in debt and has taken 20k home equity. This is the 4th time we go trough the same issue but this time she ran wild. First time was about 4k second was 9k third was 17k and we always managed to pay them off and move on. After the third incident I asked her to cut all credit cards but she assured me it will never happen again. We been married for 24 years she hides things and lays to me about her finances I really want to get out of this marriage but we have three kids, 18, 17 and 11. Any advice will appreciated.

Public Comments

1. the 4th time? WOW, you must have a lot of patience. She obviousley wants to live above her means. She needs to appreciate what she can and does have.
2. Yeah........ Your stuck.......... You love her I can sense it in your message.... Sorry bud, i would get her outta this mess for the 5th time... and figure out how not to let it happen again....
3. Take the credit cards away from her. Pay them off. Divorce your wife if you want to. Using the kids as an excuse is really wrong. Why should kids have to see what is bad at home between you and your wife? I went through similar crap and ended up in bankruptcy court. I really did. We also divorced. Shame isn't it? Life goes on and you meet up with a new gal and start over. Or stay single whichever you prefer. But stop the gal from having access to the credit cards. It is that simple.
4. As you may already know, money is one of the leading causes for divorce (if not the leading cause). I respect that you think about your kids. Maybe fire a warning shot with a Legal Separation. If you do that - all of your debt is separate. But, you have to pay her some type of weekly/monthly allowance. Make sure to warn her about the next step (Divorce). If it comes to Divorce - your kids are almost of age to understand Divorce. I wish my kids were old enough (been there...and had to do it for other reasons).
5. Get out now! Your kids are old enough to understand her racking up 80k in debt and you not wanting to put up with that. My next question is, are the credit cards in her name or joint accounts? If just in her name, ditch her and let her deal with them. Assuming the house is in both of your names, you will loose out on that 20k, but there's not much you can do about that now.
6. you know this is your fault........ gl
7. As to whether or not you should leave your wife then this really is your decision as you know the full picture. If you are worried about the kids, they are not babies now and if you and your wife are arguing or their is a atmosphere then life is gonna be very hard for them aswell. If you do decide to stick it out together and sort this mess out then your wife does need to see someone as it is obviously some kind of addiction to be spending money on this level.
8. That is a woman's job, waste money and make you miserable!!! The funny part is that she could have taken out one million and the miserable b*tch still wouldn't be happy. Women are never happy no matter what you do for them or what you get them. That's life. Your kids are old enough not RUN, learn your lesson and never get divorced again.
9. I don't believe a word of your story. How can she take out a home equity loan without you having to sign for it too. No way Jose.
10. Unfortunately, I say you are teaching her how to treat you. It can be her fault the first time, but who should you blame it on the 2nd and 3rd time? I person can only screw me one time and I don't give them enough rope to do that much dammage to begin with. Why are you not watching your credit so you can see when she opens accounts? My advice is to make her start paying these off now as a condition of you staying with her. Have a long talk, in the nicest way. Put it in writing, a contract if you will of what she has done and what she must do to fix this and a strart date 30 days with a payment scedule as well. If she doesn't comply, divorce her, then file for BK if you must and be smarter next time. Good luck, I feel for ya.