Working Mum or stay at home Mum, what would you do?

Ok this is my story, I had a baby in sept and am due back to work next month. This is my second and with my first child I worked and regretted it,missing things like first steps, words, teeth etc and swore with this one I wouldnt go back to work so soon. Then in December my partners job became unstable and I got offered a job with a large company for a pretty sum of money. How could I refuse with our finances looking bleak. I took the job to start in feb and then set about looking for a nursery for the kids. Its gunna cost me a small fortune to put them in nursery leaving me with no money after paying fees. My older boy starts pre school in sept and a friend can childmind for me as soon as the baby turns 1. So do i stay at home and enjoy my kids until then or do i go to work and never see them? what would you do?

Public Comments

1. working
2. I would stay at home, no doubt about it. Sounds to me lie this is what you want to do too. Follow your heart.
3. Ahh a hard one this. I am a Head Chef, long hours, split shift. If I could make the decision again I would stay at home. But that's me. Could you perhaps compromise and work part time or flexi hours?
4. Can you go part-time? We divide things between us as we work shifts and have very little outside child care. It works a treat.
5. for goodness sake, wake up these yrs are so precious, they go so quick. stay and enjoy, go to work another time.
6. Tough one. I'm actually taking medical transcription courses so that I can work from home. I hate having my son in daycare. My daughter is 12 and has her friends and sports to keep her busy, but I miss the cuddle time with my son. Since you mentioned your finance situation being bleak, try to take a course that will allow you to work from home. While doing this, work at your other job just to maintain your other bills. Also - check out all the daycare centers in your area (including those from their homes) you may find a better deal. Best of luck to you.
7. Stay at home. Money should never outweight your children. They are only little once. If daycare eats up att your money, its actually cheaper to stay home (income taxes, clothing, wear and tear on the car, gas).
8. If there is anyway you can stay at home and not starve, do it my wife hates going to work, she'd much rather be with our daughter
9. work..you will see them...you need to get out, i couldnt stay at home with kids 24/7..however much i loved them..you need time out
10. Stay at home, kids grow and change too fast dont miss out on their best times.
11. it sounds like you really want to stay at home with your baby - if you can survive and do it go with how you feel. look into working from home, could you childmind maybe? you'll never be able to get the time back, you might be able to find a job that's equally good one day x
12. stay at home!!!!! no point in working if your gonna work and not benefit if your paying nursery fees.
13. i would like to think that when i come to have kids i could afford 2 be a stay at home mum. the reason is that i have a few friends who have gone back to work and then missed out on their kids growing up. this is an example of one of my friends kids. keisha is now five she said her first word at the nursery. my friend really hates the fact that someone else had that moment and not her.
14. I think the fact that you're even asking proves how reluctant you are to leave your children. Money is obviously important but presumably your husband is still working so could you live on his wage alone? Or maybe cut your hours to part time? Money will buy a lot of things but it won't buy back those precious milestones with your children. I think you should do what is right for you. Go with your instincts and trust in your own judgement.
15. I'll tell you my experience with this. When I had my son, I went back to work with in 5 weeks of giving birth. I felt so guilty, and hated it every time. Well, I fell pregnant again with two months and decided I would do things different. When I was 6 months along I quit my job to stay at home with my son. I wasn't able to do this earlier because my husband wasn't at a stable job (construction) otherwise I would have. Now that my kids are 18 months and 7 months I am so happy I am home with them. I'm also going to school, but most of my classes are online so I don't have to be gone too often. I regret going back to work with my son being so young, I feel I missed out on so much even though it was only a few months. The first 3 years of a childs developement is so important, and I feel that being here for my children is the right thing to do. Follow your gut instincts, you don't want to do something you regret later on in life.
16. Stay at home, you can never get those first milestones back, I'm a stay at home mum and I love it. Plus, it might just be me but I would be worried about leaving any of my kids with some1 who's not a relative- no offence to any childminders, it's just me, I just worry when they're not with me. You hear so many horror stories these days, if they're with you, you at least know they're safe plus you get the added bonus of seeing all of their gorgeous milestones. Hope this helps.
17. it sounds like your not going to gain anything from going back to work and you will never get them special moments back i am at home with my boys and i am doing a part time collage cause so i can get the job i want when they are in school
18. if you are going to go back to work and have no money leftover after paying for daycare, why would you go back? whynot stay at home with your kids, so you don't have childcare to pay for and then you won't have any money anyways...but you will get to see your kids!! I think if it is at all possible, stay home with them.
19. I am sorry, but you should have thought all of these things out before getting pregnant again. It sounds like the only choice for you is to go back to work to support your children.
20. work, otherwise you would be claiming some sort of government aid and that's not fair as you can work and choose not to! on the other hand - who cares, stay at home and enjoy them - they're only little once :) x
21. This is all up to you it's a very hard one because this is bonding time for them , but you have to be able to provide for them. I fell for you I'm a single mom of 3 and one on the way but I know that i'm the only one doing for them so I have to work. It hurts me but i have too .
22. I'm not sure if you are saying that you need the money to cover your normal expenses, or if the money you make is only going towards day care. I would say that should be the determining factor. You obviously want to stay home, and if what you are making only goes towards day care anyway, it wouldn't make a difference and you should stay home and do what will make you happy. If you need the money to cover other expenses, then you have to do what's right for your family and work.
23. your kid is the first priority now rather than money... trust me your kid need you
24. If you have the opportunity to stay home, do it. I wish I could. Unfortunately we need the extra cash and what I put out in daycare isn't enough to make my working not worth while. Stay home if your finances can afford it. Especially if you're putting almost everything you make into daycare.
25. Stay home, without a doubt, you can`t buy back those precious moments when baby is developing, money is not everything, love costs nothing, stay and enjoy your children hun, they grow so quick x
26. I'm a working single Mum, my kids are older now tho, the youngest being 8. I went back to work because I wanted a better life for me and my kids but I'm in a different situation to you. Really it comes down to what you want to do. If you really want to stay at home with the kids and you go back to work because you think you have to, you may really regret it later on. Also look at all the pros and cons of going to work/staying at home, will it be worth it financially with all the extra costs of childcare etc.
27. You have to make the decision that is right for you. Personally, I would never want to leave my children in anyones care but my own or that of a trusted relative. I think that if your finacial situation allows you to say home, you should go for it. They are only little for so long.
28. money cannot buy your child's babyhood. I would never miss it for any amount of money. If I did work, I would despise being their knowing I would be missing out on the most important thing: raising my kids MYSELF....have your "partner" step up and be a man and worry about money..your place is with your kids.
29. I am in the exact same situation as you and it sounds like our children are the same ages too! I love my job and am due back in two weeks. I decided that it just wasn't worth it to put two kids in daycare so I can bring him a few hundred a month. Yes, that means giving something I loved but I am doing it for something I love even more (my children). It is a hard decision to make and whatever you decide is what is best for you. I just figure that my kids are only young once and they will never know that we are poor right now while they are young. I am keeping my toddler occupied by the park and library so it is fun for her to be home with me and the baby. Good luck
30. Work part time, I wouldnt have kids and let them be brought up by someone else, but then being a stay at home parent full time is a lonely and depressing life for anyone at times
31. my wife stayed at home untill they started a pre-school then really needed to get a job because she was going stir crazy
32. I would be a stay at home mum, espically the first year, i would like to see my baby change and develop, and i can also be there for it at its most important stage of life.
33. Follow your heart, who cares if you don't have a lot of money and have to sacrifice some things to see the most important things in your life growing and changing day by day as they do. I am lucky that with my job I only pop out for an hour here and an hour there but the majority of my time is with my little ones. I wouldn't change it for the world. HTH
34. If you cannot afford to not work at all, can you not ask for part time? Assuming you are in the UK, the company has to consider it and come up with a very good reason why not, by law. That way, you get some income to cover bills but also some time with the kids.
35. it depends how you are financially if you don't work. if you can manage then stay at home if not can you work part time? if not then i would go to work but make the most of the week ends and do as much as possible with your children. my parents both worked full time all through my childhood but i didn't feel 'negleted' as they made up for it at week ends and we did family things together. if you've not much money left after putting your children in child care then i really wouldn't bother cos that little bit extra won't make a difference.
36. I have to say I will be going back to work, as of April basic maternity leave entitlement goes from 6 to 9 months so I will have an extra 3 months, but as I work in a childrens centre ( a school nursery and day nursery combined ) I can take the child to work with me and will see them during the day. I know I am lucky, children's centres are often cheaper than normal day nurseries and as I am staff I will get a further discount. My partner and I are also arranging buying our first home so staying at home wouldn't be an option anyway. There is a stigma about working moms missing out on everything and tend to labeled as extremely as unfit mothers in some peoples eyes. My gran went back to work after all three of her children when they were around 6 weeks old, before decent maternity leave existed, in a time when such things were much rarer than now. She has no regrets because it meant my dad and uncles became close to other relatives who cared for them and my grandparents were able to afford nice holidays for them that they remember fondly.
37. i have a general idea that i will not have children unless i have enough money to support them financially until they begin full time school and will take a career break. it sounds as though you know what you want but are not sure if its feasible. how about working flexible hours or asking if its possible for you to take on the position as part of a job-share option where 2 people are employed to do the job and you work out what hours you will work between you? good luck
38. One thing I always remind myself when making a big decission .. 'will I regret it' ... if you answer yes, maybe .. then don't do it. Personally I wouldn't miss those miles stones, as they grow up so fast! All three of my eldest children grew up and before I knew it they were teenagers with mind of their own. My youngest, who was a suprise, is now two and I have spent every moment with her, and wouldn't change it for the world. Her learning process has been worth far more to me than a wage!! I also find her a lot more independent and confident .. she knows mummy is around to help her!!
39. Hello Mary, give me a ring tomorrow and we can chat and see if there is anything we could work out for Sept as really want to help you. You're a really good mate to Kerry and with useless living with her she needs you and me!! You've got my number honey so chat soon. I'll see if I can jiggle thing around to sort you out. Byeeeee x
40. Theres alot of things you will miss that can never be relived if you go back to work .. At the end of the day you know your finances etc but i have 4 girls 16,13,10 and 4 and i swore before i was even married that i would never work as long as i had kids to bring up .. My mum used to work and i never saw her and i hated that .. I am here everyday for my kids , we aren`t rich we get by but we are a close family .. Money can`t buy that .
41. I'm happier when i'm at home most of the time, and work a small time, i work 10 hours a week, and it's just enough for me to have a little independence, but to have most of my time with my kids, which is more important to me x
42. my mum went to work and me and my sister turned out fine. She was always home to cook dinner, play, read stories etc. Weekends were just for us, as were holidays. She has been an excellent role model for us, and i know how much she loves her job and would never have wanted to deny her that. But you have to do what is right for you - anyone who criticises the choice you make isnt worth listening to. You can be a great mother either way.
43. Hi. Stay at home and enjoy them! i stopped work when i had my daughter,now 2 and a half. I also had a baby boy in June 06 now 7mths. I couldnt leave them, My partner has missed everything with my daughter and will my son. He earns enough to keep us,feed us,pay all our bills and abit for days out and stuff! I would rather look back and be able to remember everything and not regret anything. Money can be abit tight some months, but i wouldnt change my life. Our little babies are so precious, and you will regret it later on if you leave them!!!!!!! xxCat
44. STAY HOME . What is the point of working if all of your money is going to pay the nursery bills. Also what is the point of having children if you are going to give them to somebody else to look after them? I have just started back working part time after my youngest has just started school full time. There have been times when money has been really tight, where we have literally only just got through the month. We don't have flash cars, foreign holidays, and most of our furniture is second hand, but we do have 2 adorable well adjusted kids, who have a mummy who isn't too tired or busy to play with them. Having very little money was a very small sacrifice too make to spend those precious years with the children that I wanted. Hopefully now we will be able to up our luxuries a bit, but I wouldn't of changed the last 7 years for anything.
45. i work while my sons mother stays at home. she dose not want to go back to work cos she wants to be there for all the "firsts" this works cos i earn anuff to support all of us. you have to do what is best for your family first, we always come second.
46. I am speaking from a person who has never been able to have a child and my thoughts would be for you to stay at home and enjoy the Children God has blessed you with. I believe God has called you to be a mother and not a career person. It is amazing how you can make do just by staying at home. The world will tell you otherwise- you must have the latest TV, Stereo mobile phone etc. Your children are precious and value every moment of your time. If you gave up staying at home and worked, you would miss out on some of the most precious moments. Those moments can never come back to you once your children have grown. If you are still in need of money, why not work on weekends, when your husband/partner can take care of the children or why not work from home? Many women are doing it now. There are ways and means around this. I guess it just depends on your value system. I would give the world to have what you have been blessed with.
47. I was a stay at home mum for 4 years, and I still am, but for the past 18 months I have been doing a direct sales job, so I work a couple of evenings a week. I could increase this to upto 4 evenings a week if I wanted, but it suits me fine. Its the best of both worlds, I can be with my kids in the day, and work in the evening when Hubby is home and the kids are in bed. My kids are 5 and 2. If you are interested the e-mail me on karenycoo73@yahoo.co.uk
48. if ur not going to hav any or much money left after paying for child care, is it really worth missing the things like u said? why doesn't ur partner look for a more stable job? if u could get one why can't he? when my baby's born (due may 12th) im not working at least until its 1 as its generally better for babies to be round their mother in the 1st year as too many new people can be super scarey! at 9 months old the baby is just getting in its secondary social circle, this being grandparents, aunts, uncles, evn siblings! if u wait another 3 or 4 months, then they'll be getting ready to be able to make 'friends' although the chances of them remembering them for more than a day is very low!
49. Follow you Heart. Could you maybe work for a few hours/days at the weekend for extra money and your hubby could do the childcare. I worked partime when my kids were small and felt I had the best of both worlds.
50. I would stay at home and get your man to look for a better job,you need to see your childs first steeps etc.