Serious answers please...joint guardianship?
I'll try to keep this short. Nothing is court ordered, but my ex and I verbally agreed to joint guardianship of our toddler. He is a narcissistic, power tripping, show boating bully. ( he works in finance...stock market so he thinks he's untouchable ). Anyway, I generously have allowed him most weekend days with our child. He has only ever kept our child overnight 3 times, only one night. So over a week ago, I informed him of my niece's birthday party that our child is invited to. He told me he would "think about" whether or not he would consent to our kid going to this party. Today, he told me that he would be keeping our boy for 2 nights this weekend, and that he wouldn't be able to attend the birthday party. So, i told him that unless he agreed to return him in time to go to the party on sunday, ( which was about 6 hours earlier than he intended to bring him home ), to not bother coming by to pick him up at all. So he told his lawyers I refused access. Was I wrong? We have been separated for 5 months now. I normally cower down to him and bend over backwards to accommodate his demands. He's hired the most expensive lawyers in town to intimidate me. He constantly sets up visitation times, then cancels last minute, or calls to change the time at the last minute. He often brings him home early..and he does all this to make sure he has control of my life...basically so I don't get one. when i say he's only kept him one night, i mean one night at a time...no consecutive nights thanks, yes, I do keep a journal of each time he cancels or is hours late or only takes him for 45 minutes ... funny last weekend when he was supposed to keep him for 2 nights, he brought him back after the first night because our boy was sick...i guess he's only his son when he's completely healthy, but if there is actual caretaking involved, he brings him back to me..
Public Comments
- no there is no court order. If you keep him most of the time you have all legal rights.
- no. a kid that young needs his mother. and it's a birthday party. your husband is just being a jerk. your toddler should go out and have fun. kids that young with join guardian doesn't spend alot of time with kids his age. your husband can have him two nights another weekend.
- Even with a court order there are parts where with a range some say a week some say 48 hrs notice you can alter or make a change to a visitation. I have a friend who has to give her ex a weeks notice but the norm is somewhere in the range. Since you did inform him of the change and he would still be able to have your son just bring him home alittle earlier i do not see where you are in the wrong at all. The fact that you had made plans and consulted him on it puts you in the right. You were still allowing him access just asking for early returning of the child.
- no i dont blame you for telling him no and if you do let your son go over there then hes not going to bring him home intime for the party anyways. so if i was you tell him to get his high power attorneys to take you to court. and they can fly right up his tight as@!
- I think you did just fine considering the circumstances. He knew there was a birthday party, so he likely did it on purpose just so that he can power trip over you. Your son needs to attend family shindigs...that is called 'family'. Nothing is court ordered, so his lawyers can hardly do anything. Keep a diary of every change he makes to visition that you have allowed. That will show how unreliable he is.
- go to court. than he will get him every other weekend. my husband gets his child every other weekend 30 days in summer or 2 period of 15 days in the summer. every other year for her birthday,spring breaks,thanksgiving,and christmas, she gets mother's day weekend and he's gets fathers day weekend even if it means that he has to only get her once that month.
- Basically your screwed. Verbal agreements don't mean much in a "divorce" situation. All one party has to do is say they didn't agree to it. And he has just as much right to the child as you do. It doesn't matter what type of man you think he is. And unfortunately, he is in charge of the child's activities when he is in his custody. He doesn't have to take him to birthday parties, or any other activities that you deem reasonable. You need to get things legally dealt with. He needs to have set times, and rules for visitation. Unfortunately your not going to be happy because you are going to loose the control of what goes on with your son while he is not in your custody. Trust me......I know how you feel. I've already been thru it, and my divorce is recently final. The best advice I can give you is to get along with the ex. I'm serious.....it will make it easier to get what you want for your son. It doesn't matter if you like him or not....your marriage with him is over, but your parenting together will continue. Do what you need to to make the situation best for your child. I 've kept my mouth shut on a lot of things to get what I need done. Just keep reminding yourself it's for your son's best interest. Good luck...it's a long, nasty path ahead. But it does get better.
